


Darry’s Bear

by lettuce172



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettuce172/pseuds/lettuce172
Kudos: 6





	Darry’s Bear

I hit him. I hit Ponyboy. My own brother. I’d never hit him before, I’d never even thought about hitting that poor kid, but that meant nothing. I still did it. I still hit him, and I still hurt him. Now he was God knows where with nothing but the clothes on his back and hopefully a blade, just in case. I hope he doesn’t have to use it. Better safe than sorry. Maybe someone else will hit him. Someone just like me. 

Pony ran off about half an hour ago. I thought he’d be back by now, like if he just took a walk around town to cool off. He wasn’t back. It had to be awful cold out there. I don’t know the temperature, we used to have a thermometer, but it broke a couple weeks back. Still, the light frost growing in the corners of our windows couldn’t mean it was warm. I don’t think Pony was wearing much either, not anything that could keep him from practically freezing to death. 

I swear the silence was quieter than normal. I mean, silence around here is rare, but I can’t say I prefer it tonight. Soda was in his room, he had been since Pony ran off. I think he’s ignoring me, and I don’t blame him. Fighting puts off his whole mood when it’s between us, and that’s just when we’re arguing. He probably hates me after I hit Pony. I would too. I could really use having Soda with me tonight. It’d brighten up the mood a little. 

At this point it was past three in the morning, and it was a work night. I couldn’t miss a single day of work now, we were barely making ends meet as it was. If I didn’t sleep soon, work would be hell. Pony can take care of himself, and the door is unlocked. I’m sure he’ll be in bed when I wake up in the morning. He has to be. He has to be. 

“Sodapop you gotta go to bed. You’ve got stuff to be up for in just a couple hours now,” I told Soda, looking into his room from the doorway. He’s real absent-minded. He would’ve been up until six in the morning and he wouldn’t have even noticed if I didn’t tell him to sleep. I don’t know where he gets it. 

He glanced at me, not bothering to make eye contact. “Yeah yeah, I know Darry. I’ll go to sleep in a minute. Night.” I think he was trying to act cold to me, but he’s not great at it. He’s a sweet guy, and sure he can be mean, but I think it takes a lot out of him to be rude to his own family. I really don’t know what’s going on in his head when things like this happen, he just blocks himself in the bedroom until he’s over it. Leaving him be is probably the best option, he wants to be alone anyways.

“Goodnight,” I murmured as I walked to my own bedroom. I hope I can get at least some sleep tonight. The door clicked shut after I got a few steps into the room, accompanied by faint footsteps coming through the walls. Soda was probably just getting ready for bed. He’d have the whole bed to himself for once. That’s one thing that came out of this whole situation for him. 

Sliding open my closet door, I grabbed some comfier clothes to change into. There was a teddy bear on the shelf that I put things like Soda and Pony’s legal paperwork, a couple pictures of mom and dad, and whatever else seemed important. I reached up and took it down, looking over the bear. I always kept it in good condition, even though I took it with me practically everywhere when I was younger. I stopped when I was seven or so, when being a boy and carrying stuffed animals would get you bullied all the time. Still, I slept with it in my bed every night until mom and dad died. That’s when I locked it away in the closet. They had given me that bear on my first birthday, and every time I looked at it now all I could think of was them. Maybe that wasn’t all bad though. 

The footsteps from before were gone, so Soda should be sleeping. I guess that means it would be okay if I opened up a little. Nobody would know. I sat down on the edge of my bed, holding the teddy bear in my hands, and just started talking. I told it about Ponyboy running away, how I hit him, how work was making me feel worse and worse, how I wasn’t ready to take care of Pony and Soda but how I wasn’t ready to let them go, everything. I was ranting as if the bear was my parents and they could hear me through the bear, then they could help me. I thought it would be easy and I could just say all these things and get over it, but I couldn’t stop. I was saying everything, some things I hadn’t even been admitting to myself. There was so much I didn’t know I had to say. 

“Darry?” Soda’s voice came from the doorway. I was so lost in talking I didn’t even notice him coming in. Tossing the bear to the side, just hoping he didn’t see it, I looked at him. “Hell man, Pony got you that upset? I haven’t seen you cry in,” he paused, thinking for a second, “I haven’t seen you cry in years. I’m sure he’s okay, Dally just stopped in. Said he knows where he is.”

Someone knew. They had seen him, talked to him, they knew he was okay. Ponyboy was okay. “Well? Did he say anything else? Like, is he planning on coming back soon? Does he have a place to stay? Did he find something warm to wear?” I rattled off questions that I almost knew for sure Soda wouldn’t know the answers to, but I took the chance. He didn’t know. 

“He just said he and Johnny came to Dally for help and he helped them. Nothing else. I tried to ask where they were, but he wouldn’t say. Unless you think he’s serious about Texas, but I think he was just trying to get me off his back. You can press him with questions later. He only came by to tell us Pony ain’t dead,” Soda gave as much information as he could. I don’t know how much I really trust Dallas, but he’s my only source right now. Plus, he wouldn’t know Pony was missing unless he saw Pony, so it seems legitimate. I just hope he’s right about him being safe. That’s the most important thing. 

Soda never quite stayed still, and was walking around my room as he told me about what Dally had said to him. “Isn’t this the teddy bear you were obsessed with?” he asked, picking up the stuffed animal from the floor. “Damn, I remember you never let anyone touch this thing. It was like your most prized possession, you kept it right next to you all the time,” Soda went on, looking over the bear before setting it on my bed. 

“Uh, yeah, it was the one mom and dad got me. I don’t know why I liked it so much. I guess it was just nice for when mom and dad were gone. It was always there. You won’t bring it up right? I don’t think anyone else needs to know I kept it around for so long. Or that I was talking to it. Can we keep it between us?” I asked, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, nervous for what he’d say. He was nice, and I knew he’d keep it a secret if I wanted him to, but something in my brain was telling me he would say no. 

Soda let out one of those laughs, the ones that are more just exhaling a little loud from your nose. “Yeah, I won’t tell anyone about my big brother’s teddy bear. I don’t know if anyone can live without knowing you have a teddy bear though,” he said with a grin. 

“Oh whatever man, just go to bed,” I said, giving him a playful push. “If it does come to life or death, I suppose you can tell everyone, but only if that’s your last hope.”

Soda smiled. “I’ll see you in the morning. I better not come in here to you having a tea party or something with that bear next time,” he joked. “Oh, but if you are having one with him, I best be invited or I’m crashing the party,” he said before leaving the room and closing the door. 

I took one last look at the teddy bear before bringing it back to my closet. I’d probably bring it out more often now, talking to it was kind of therapeutic. It’ll always remind me of my parents, and as much as I don’t want to think about them now, it’s probably for the best. Maybe it’ll make life better if I can really talk about them and get everything out there, even if I’m talking to an inanimate object.


End file.
